Parenting reared its ugly head last month when my husband and I were reminded (as if we needed to be) that we have in our possession a teenager. That's right. A teenager. One of my favorite definitions is that a teenager is a person who is more prepared for the zombie apocalypse than tomorrow's math test.
Teenagers are special. They really are. They're coming into a period in their life where their ability to adapt coupled with their ever increasing vocabulary allows them to somehow justify and explain their complete and utter lack of good judgment. It's uncanny. Every parent thinks of their darling little girl like this:
Only to one day get that phone call from the school that rips that rose colored pair of glasses you've got on, to reveal this:
It's a shock, sure. You are reeling from the news. Your child; your precious, wonderful, brilliant little child was caught skipping class, lying about it, grading her own papers, and not just once, but 5 times.
You think, where did I go wrong? How did I fail at parenting? Well... here's the truth.
You didn't.
First impulse:
Pros: Free heat, bonfire, s'mores. Cons: Too crispy to have learned anything.
Second impulse:
Pros: Naturally air conditioned, know where she is at all times, makes friends with mice. Cons: Mildew.
Third and final impulse:
Pros: Learning life lessons about what minimum wage that's the result of no education will get you... Cons: Not enough deodorant in the house for what was about to come...
Helen Keller said, "Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood." She was one smart cookie. Taking that thought as our beacon, we set out to impart upon our 17 year old daughter a few life lessons that we hope she will take with her for the rest of her life.
Lesson #1: $1.00 = $0.40 = -$0.65 The lesson of math in today's economy. Our daughter was told that for spring break, she'd be working for us, full time. That regretfully, her lack of a high school diploma pegged her at a top earning wage of minimum wage. Less deductions for Medicare, Social Security and Income Tax Withholding, her take home pay was roughly $4.37 an hour. However, her daily expenses for rent, electric, water, phone, car payment, insurance and gas was about $58.60 a day. Result was for an 8 hour day, she'd still end up owing us about $20.00 a day. In other words, minimum wage isn't going to cut it in the real world, unless you live in the city and are living in some cheap dive apartment, and don't need a car because you can walk to work.
Lesson #2: Food portion size changes drastically when you're working physically vs. sitting in a desk in class. Because she was unable to get a better job due to her lack of education, our daughter pretty much was relegated to manual labor jobs. She was given $8.33 a day allowance to go grocery shopping and buy her food for the week. That included breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sixty bucks doesn't go far. First day's lunch, she packed a sandwich and a bottled water. First day's labor was digging out a dog kennel and spreading 5 tons of stone. Day two's lunch was 3 sandwiches, 4 bottles of water, 3 granola bars, and a bag of chips.
Lesson #3: It pays to be nice. Being hateful to your employer does not endear you to them. Same with being hateful to your teachers. You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Trying to get a teacher in trouble, because you couldn't follow the rules and want them changed to benefit you isn't going to fly. Won't fly when you're out in the real world workforce either. Instead, you get saddled with jobs like this, if you're not fired first. PS: That's not dirt...
Lesson #4: A desk chair is a lot more comfortable than blisters. The whole "Work Smarter, Not Harder" really sort of hit home with our little experiment. Long sweaty days of shoveling manure, clearing fence rows, spreading stone and cutting brush from sun up until past sun down, working long days and barely breaking even, eating dense cheap bread, cheap bologna, and oatmeal every day really made that school desk more appealing. An education, while boring at times, and kind of a hassle, is our way of ensuring you've got a future free of labors like this.
and Lesson #5: Your family loves you. Lessons like these are hard ones. It's hard to combine punishment with a lesson. Too often, the child feels the punishment, but doesn't see or understand the lesson behind it. Kids need to feel that they have value (A lesson learned from Grampy Bubblebuster). They need to understand that the only reason you get mad is because you KNOW they're better than their behavior. The only reason you render consequences is because you KNOW they're capable of better. You don't think it. You KNOW it. They need to hear that you KNOW it, because if you believe it, then they'll believe it too, and they'll be less likely to re-offend in the same manner.
The Pros for us: A brand new kennel for the dogs, the pig sties cleaned with new stone down, about 100 feet of brand new fence where there previously was none, a cleaned garden and a handful of other menial jobs during her spring break. We also got a kid that hasn't skipped class since, and has been diligent in turning in her work.
The cons: About 30 dollars in deodorant, soap, and laundry detergent.
We think it was worth it.
