No Fences... DAMN YOU, GARTH BROOKS!!!

Naturally, it would be ironic that Garth Brooks would come out of retirement and release a new album right about the time we got the great idea to add sheep and goats to our menagerie.  A great idea, I might add, that we had while we were sober.  Usually, those kinds of ideas hit you after a long night, hanging out with your friends, doing things that are often prefaced by, "Hold my beer, and watch this..."

Those days are long past us, but those brain cells never grew back, apparently.  As a result, we now are the proud owners of 10 sheep... and a goat.

Now, we thought we were pretty awesome little farmers.  We were diversified.  We were no longer subject to the whims and fancies of the meat market.  We were liberated from the shackles of limited culinary options.  We were free... and so were they.

You know that scene in X-Men, where they inject the senator with mutant DNA, and he suddenly can squeeze through spaces?  Yeah.  THAT'S SHEEP AND GOATS IN A NUTSHELL.

These diabolical little fuzzballs are capable of restructuring their DNA to allow for skeletal displacement, and therefore squeeze through the tiniest cracks under fences, gates, through walls, and I'm pretty sure, through chicken wire.

Now, the sheep are cool.  They're all like, "Hey, wazzup? We got out again.  It was over here this time.  Here, let me show you."  And in response, I'm all, "Cool, awesome. Here's some food. Let me go get another post, and another 330 feet of woven wire..."

And trust me.  There's no question when they've found a hole.  You'd swear your herd grew by a thousand while you're trying to fix it, because they're all curious what you're up to, and have no fear, because you, in another one of your moments of genius, decided let's give them treats so they'll like us every time we show up.  DUMB DUMB DUMB...

At this point, I think our family emergency code phrase is, "SHEEP SHEEP SHEEP."  That's all it takes, and hanging up, and within 15 minutes the entire posse shows up with posts, wire, drivers, and the cavalry, prepared to put those wooly buggers back in.

However... GOATS ARE NOT COOL.  Goats run.  They run fast.  They do not like you.  They're like, "I heard you say I was meat goat.  You think I'm stupid?  You think I'm going to stick around?  I distinctly heard the word KEBAB!"  Note to self, in the future, call them milk goats.  Then they'll only run away if they get offended from being fondled...

We had the goat for EXACTLY 5 minutes.  I had just got done saying, "Well, we made it 5 minutes, so we must be good."  WRONG.

Goats think fences are fun.  That they're a puzzle that must be figured out.  Whoosh, under the fence she went, out she was, and off she flew.  Six men proceeded in a break neck run after a little red headed goat, 300 yards, then up a straight cliff, then they all fell off, and then proceeded to run back 300 yards, and swan dive on her.  That's when we figured out what that collar was for...

These are all learning experiences for us.  Some day, we'll have figured out about half of it, and that will either gain us the ability to keep them in, or make it to where we just don't care.

But, horses schmorses, Garth.  The song would have been more convincing if you had said that Wild Goats kept dragging you away.  I've seen horses held back by a fence.  You're not fooling anyone.  The jig is up.